Haiku for every NBA deadline trade
(The headline is not a haiku.)
Good morning. The trade
deadline passed. Damn! Fireworks
galore. Let’s haiku.
Impression, Sunrise; Claude Monet, 1872
James Harden and Paul Millsap to Sixers; Ben Simmons, Seth Curry, Andre Drummond, two firsts to Nets
It really happened:
Ben Simmons traded for a
superstar. The Beard.
Huge risk for Philly.
Harden opted in next year,
so it’s no rental.
But he’ll expect an
extension this offseason;
massive downside risk.
But who cares? Embiid
is a god. Title’s in reach.
Morey went for it.
As for Brooklyn: Ben
fits better than Harden did,
with or without KAI.
Nets vs. Sixers
could be an all-time series
if we can get there.
Domantas Sabonis, Jeremy Lamb, Justin Holiday and a second to Kings; Tyrese Haliburton, Buddy Hield and Tristan Thompson to Pacers
Kings swing big! Give up
a bright young star in exchange
for lit’ral All-Star.
Hali and Fox were
promising, but the vibes sucked.
No fault of Tyrese.
Sactown hopes this will
reinject some hope this year,
resuscitate Fox.
Pacers, meanwhile:
this is a lovely reboot
with a dude they’ll love.
C.J. McCollum, Larry Nance Jr. and Tony Snell to Pelicans; Josh Hart, Tomas Satoransky, Nickeil Alexander-Walker, Didi Louzada, a first and two seconds to Blazers
Break up the Blazers!
C.J. heads down south, where he’ll
help take pressure off.
The Pels are going
for it, with or without Z.
Ingram? C.J.? Nice!
JV, Graham: play-in
is well within reach. And now
Portland is no threat.
And yet: whither Dame?
Questions swirl about his take.
Will he go next? Hmm.
Quick retools are hard.
Blazers should have good draft picks,
but there’s no sure thing.
Intrigue in Portland.
Bold bravery in N.O.
Good trade, everyone!
Nickeil Alexander-Walker and Juancho Hernangomez to Jazz; Tomas Satoransky and a second to Spurs; Joe Ingles, Elijah Hughes and a second to Blazers
In case there was doubt:
C.J. trade wasn’t about
the players, ‘cept Hart.
Jazz? Is this all? Huh.
Much respect for self-belief.
The outlook’s cloudy.
If the Jazz fall short
and this is all that they did?
A reckoning comes.
Kristaps Porzingis and a future second to Wizards; Spencer Dinwiddie and Davis Bertans to Mavericks
Kristaps: perfect ‘Zard.
High ceiling, Euro, real tall
and always injured.
Jan Vesely ain’t
walkin’ through that door. Nor is
Bertans. (He just left.)
Meanwhile, now Cubes can
talk crypto stuff with a guy
who won’t roll his eyes.
Caris LeVert and a second to Cavaliers; Ricky Rubio, a first and two seconds to Pacers
Nice job, Cavs. Filled a
hole for a fair price. LeVert
has great vibes, as well.
Robert Covington and Norman Powell to Clippers; Eric Bledsoe, Justise Winslow, Keon Johnson and a future second to Blazers
Roster bankruptcy —
That’s what the Blazers have done.
Liquidate assets.
Serge Ibaka, two seconds and cash to Bucks; Donte DiVencenzo, Trey Lyles and Josh Jackson to Kings; Rodney Hood and Semi Ojeleye to Clippers; Marvin Bagley III to Pistons
What a bizarre trade!
I love it for everyone;
mostly for Bagley.
Kings get White Donte
year after Bogdan saga.
Serge gets one more run.
Serge and Giannis need
a food/travel show pronto.
Make it happen, Bucks.
Montrezl Harrell to Hornets; Ish Smith and Vernon Carey Jr. to Wizards
Trez isn’t perfect
for what Hornets need, but he
adds more excitement.
And what is this league
if not entertainment? See:
The Hornets are champs.
Derrick White to Celtics; Josh Richardson, Romeo Langford, protected first, future swap rights to Spurs
High cost for D. White,
but he should help C’s a lot.
Not sure about Spurs.
By “not sure” I mean —
pawn off White and Thad Young.
What’s the next stage here?
Murray’s an All-Star.
Poeltl? Nice. Vassell? Primo?
Is there a base here?
Is it a slow build
through the draft? Will the Spurs take
their time? Will Pop stay?
Season’s lost for them.
Pop will get the record soon.
Cloudy days ahead.
Thaddeus Young, Drew Eubanks and a second to Raptors; Goran Dragic and a first to Spurs
For Spurs: see above.
For Raps: are we sure Thad was
not already here?
Torrey Craig to Suns; Jalen Smith and future second to Pacers
James Jones built this team.
Finals last year, fav’rites now.
Yet: big whiff on Smith.
Aaron Holiday to Suns; cash considerations to Wizards
Make checks payable
to Wizards Fan Therapy
Fund. They will need it.
Daniel Theis to Celtics; Dennis Schroder, Enes Freedom (immediately waived by Houston) and Bruno Fernando to Rockets
C’s say no to tax.
C’s say good riddance, Schroder.
Now Enes is free.
P.J. Dozier, Bol Bol, future second and cash to Magic; a second to Celtics
C’s say no to tax.
Wyc Grousbeck’s checking account
wins the trade deadline.
KZ Okpala to Thunder; a second and some draft protection shenanigans to Heat
Pat Riley was not
up to anything. At least
not yet. Summer’s near.
All-Star Draft Proves KD Is The Coolest Boss Ever
I’m entranced by Kevin Durant’s All-Star draft performance. He made sure he got Ja Morant early in the starters’ set, he took Devin Booker over Luka Doncic to open the reserve draft, he took Dejounte Murray over Jimmy Butler (be still my heart) and at the end, while being goaded by the Inside the NBA crew, he picked RUDY GOBERT over his new nemesis James Harden. Future Executive of the Year. We’re going to ignore that taking a center (Joel Embiid) first he let LeBron wait on taking Nikola Jokic until his last starter pick. And we’re going to ignore that Team Durant is going to get trucked by Team LeBron, who takes this VERY SERIOUSLY.
Here’s the hilarious reaction to KD avoiding Harden, who went last. Hilarious stuff. Durant tried so hard to keep a straight face the whole time and it simply wouldn’t hold.
Here’s the full All-Star draft. Legitimately always one of the most entertaining events of the season. Great for lore-building.
Scores
Nets 112, Wizards 113 — I just love games like this right after the deadline when one team swings a huge deal to gun for a title but doesn’t have everyone available (Nets) and one team is clearly angling for a situational one-off tank (Wizards) and the bad team wins. It’s beautiful.
Raptors 139, Rockets 120 — Every time the Raps score 125+ in regulation an angel gets its wings.
I love that a year after the Ant Man dunk Yuta Watanabe is still challenging everything at the rim. Strong heart. Insane pass from Alperen Sengun, mesmerizing block from Yuta.
Clippers 105, Mavericks 112 — Luka with a career high 51, and Dallas needed all of it. When he plays happy, he’s a real joy to experience.
Bucks 107, Suns 131 — Phoenix absolutely trucked the Bucks, who had all three stars available. Milwaukee is not better than they were last season. The Suns are. For me, then, that makes Phoenix the championship favorite this year. The mitigating factor as I type that out is that Giannis Antetokounmpo is the best player in the world, and that tends to matter in these situations.
Knicks 116, Warriors 114 — I’m actually shocked Golden State lost this one in the final moments. That’s where I’m at with these Warriors: legitimately stunned when they lose competitive games. Knicks renaissance comin’ after a quiet deadline?
Schedule
It’s Superb Owl weekend, in case you were unaware. (I had forgotten until yesterday!) Bunch of good games Saturday night. All times Eastern.
FRIDAY
Hornets at Pistons, 7
Cavaliers at Pacers, 7
Thunder at Sixers, 7
Spurs at Hawks, 7:30
Nuggets at Celtics, 7:30, NBA TV*
Timberwolves at Bulls, 8*
Magic at Jazz, 9
SATURDAY
Knicks at Blazers, 5
Grizzlies at Hornets, 7**
Kings at Wizards, 7
Spurs at Pelicans, 7
Cavaliers at Sixers, 7:30***
Nuggets at Raptors, 7:30*
Nets at Heat, 8**
Thunder at Bulls, 8
Clippers at Mavericks, 8:30*
Lakers at Warriors, 8:30, ABC***
Magic at Suns, 9
SUNDAY
Hawks at Celtics, 2, ABC*
Timberwolves at Pacers, 3
Alright, we’re going to have lots of links for you Monday morning. Until then! Be excellent to each other.
“I’ll jump to block every time. Even if I get dunked on 99 times out of 100, I’ll always jump if there’s a chance I can block one.”
Yuta may be alone on this one. Everyone craps on the guy who gets dunked on, but I'd rather have that guy who makes the effort at a block, than the vast majority who just get out of the way. Listening to broadcast and hot take hyenas bray as though they'd never seen such a thing before is exhausting. All hail the player that actually *tries.*
Well done